Anger management!

I suffer from repressed/controlled anger..I get ticked of very very easily but I do my best not to react immediately...sometimes I’m too slow to react too.. It has its good and bad results..

On the good side, I don't suffer from the terrible results of my violent or angry reaction..I.e. regret. I have the tendency to be violent...like there's a Hyde to my Dr Jekyll nature.. Some blame it on the fact that I stammer... Don't get me wrong, I do react sometimes, not violently though..I just talk, or shout or hit my head. And when hyde manifests, I face the wall and throw a couple of rallying blows..it does hurt but I’ll rather do that than hit someone, most especially NOT a woman..

I remember the week before, on the way out with madam, she made a comment that hit the raw red zone...I kept quiet at first...but it was too much to contain, I faced her with raging eyes and said 'you tick me off so hard sometimes you know?' faced the brick wall and did my thing..ended up with bleeding knuckles.. I've got the scabs to show for it.. I shortly apologized...

Don't get me wrong... I don't agree with hurting oneself to deal with anger, but for me it’s just safer to deal with it that way than take it out on someone...I sometimes go running or visit the gym..a good workout puts Mr. hyde to sleep...

The amazing thing about me though is even though the bible preaches that 'we shouldn't let the sun go down on our anger' for me its the reverse..my last resort is sleep. If you don't succeed in placating me..just allow me sleep. I wake up the next morning with a fresh page..all my vexations buried in dreamland..

I hate it when people react to angry situations straight away without considering the repercussions..it’s the regrets that I can't deal with..I wonder 'why didn't you think about it in the first place?' I remember my last breakup, while we were still trying to work out situations, got home one day and saw her keys in the mailbox, she had come while I was out and cleared her stuff and left the keys...i smiled..she took every single item but she missed a book so I texted her straight away and said 'oh, you missed a book'... yes, just that.(like it was a soap opera or movie) It’s the facebook thingy that I hate the most, changed status message to some corny/cheesy line aimed at me.. edited profile from 'in a relationship' to 'single' and people asking questions and stuff..please what message are you trying to pass across? That you are saving me from drama? Yes, point taken! Clearly sef... She then asks why am I not making the effort to get us back together? Oh, didn't you think about that before clearing out your stuff and all? I just don't have the mental strength to deal with that mein!

Enough of my ramblings....just going through one of my phases..Im not vexing o.. Just got a little ticked off recently...but this time, I’m just keeping quiet ;-)

I'll prolly write about that soon..